Junk Road Rage 101

you know you're day's gonna be awesome when you get into an altercation with a school bus driver at 7:30 am.

back story ::

i live in suburbia hell. literally. not only is it a suburb, but it's a trafficy one. efficiency is not on the top of my town's priority list. nothing beats keeping the historic integrity of the town square in place - yet the mother effing town square is kind of a major junction in town (note: i like history and historic places, but i'll bulldoze the hell over anything that makes no sense). most people have to go through it to get to their destination. whatever - i'm getting off the point. i blame my decrease in patience and increase in road rage incidents on the fact that i now live where stupidity and inefficiency came to die. TO. DIE. During the summer months, it's tolerable, but during the school year, repeatedly banging my head on my steering wheel provides more pleasure than dealing with trying to navigate to work.

uh...you might want to make that a zero.

back to now ::

so, this morning, i'm late. true to form. my alarm goes off at 6, and fall out of bed at 6:20. it's just now it is. i'm a sleepy person. i was a little late going through town, and strangely for july, traffic was a bit terrible. i looked up a few cars and noticed that i'm behind a school bus. ding ding ding!!! what the eff is a school bus doing blocking traffic during the summer? oh, that's right - summer school. after a few minutes of total bullshit, the road finally opens up and i take my chance to go around the bus. just as i'm approaching, he's stopping, and i think, "speed up so you can pass before he starts flashing the lights" (i never know if you're supposed to stop when the lights start flashing, or when the stop sign is completely out.) my conscience kicks in and just as i'm about to breeze by, i stop. why you ask? i don't f*cking know.

i stop, but i'm inching up because why the hell aren't these kids on the damn bus by now?

here's the thing, and this will be true when i have my own little shits - if you're late for the bus, your bad. not my bad. i'm in my car, on my way to work, and i'm not going to be late because your dumbass kid can't crawl out of bed for SUMMER SCHOOL.

so, i'm inching, and next thing i know, i see the bus driver's giant paw come flying out his window waving all crazy. first thought - "he's being trampled by the children!" second and correct thought - "he's yelling at me with his paw!"

(cursing) he does this little wave that means to 99.9% of everyone on earth "go on by" so i hit the gas...then is paw yells stop. then the stop sign half way goes in, so i go. then his paw yells stop. then i rolled down my window and screamed at the top of my lungs "what the bleepity-bleep do you want me to bleeping do, dude!?!" and he says something that i can't decipher.

finally, after traffic is backed up to the damn town square, bojangles the bus driver rakes in his stop sign and i take off.

i refuse to feel like an asshole. i was never going to run his stupid little stop sign, i was just inching up because i might have been illegally bbming.

it's summer - should we be taking this all so seriously? i know those little summer school punks sure aren't.