hard to kick

how pretty is this pink glow?  image via

I'm snowed iced in.  ICED in.  There's a nice crispy layer of ice on top of the snow piled up in our yard.  Pretty?  Maybe for a little while - approximately one hour for me - but then it becomes annoying.

Right now?  Approximately 15 hours after I woke up this morning, the husband is wearing a ski hat, with his ears poked out like an elf, and he insists on making me watch every play of the National Championship...he's quite hyper (as am I for 11pm), and I'd just like to blog...in peace.  This is the result of us being cooped up inside our much too small house for the entire day....alone...together.

So, what have I done today?  Well, I worked for the bulk of it, but our office was closed so the workload was light.  I drooled all over Urban Outfitters new spring catalog that prompted me to go to their website and stock up on this spring's wants/needs.  Once I was finished shopping for more clothes I don't need, I moved to shopping for a new house we need (not really) but can't have....I shopped inside the perimeter (i.e. closer to the city) because after today, I need a house where some kind of entertainment is within walking distance.  Even though we are not house hunting, I know every single house in our price range and some out of our price range in the desired area of our hood that we'd like to move.  My justification is that I am just one of those who likes to know what's out there.  Once I was finished shopping for my new East Point or Decatur home (East Point has several winners - I was almost in tears at the adorableness), I shopped for the furniture the husband and I will definitely be purchasing as soon as I log off urbanoutfitters.com. 

Old habits die hard.  Hey, at least I don't pull the trigger on all these purchases...

I'm like the Airstream Song by Miranda Lambert - never satisfied....and that's annoying.  This is what an ice day will do to me.  I'm entirely too high strung to spend this many hours, feeling perfectly healthy, cooped up inside my house.  The better news?  Tomorrow will play out the same way, and there's an even dirtier rumor that this mess may not clear up until Saturday.

If that's the case, I'll be a force to be reckoned with.  I'm sure the husband will have taken his chances by then and escorted me out to the civilization known as the mall or at the very least, a Mexican dinner. 

I know some of you readers live up north, but you have to know we southern dwellers are not equipped for driving in ice or even handling such temperatures coming in contact with our skin.  Misery.

So, if you don't hear from me over the course of this week, you'll know someone has actually died of boredom.

is this thing on?

I've discussed the way me and the husband argue. 

We argue over things that are so infuriatingly stupid that I swear we get angrier than those who fight about things that actually matter because what we're fighting about is just so stupid.

I bought the husband a Big Green Egg for Christmas (cue Best Wife Ever cheer & applause).  He's so happy, he's glowing, and it truly makes my heart happy to make him so happy - giving is so much more fun than receiving - especially when you buy yourself little gifts while shopping for others. 

Little did I know that I was creating a bit of a monster....(actually, I take that back...anyone could see that he was becoming obsessed). 

I digress...

The husband is the cook at our house.  I always say he wasn't being properly fed by me, so he had to improvise.  He comes by it honestly - domesticity runs in his family.  Turns out, we're the perfect match because it doesn't run in mine.  So, I purchased him a cookbook called Southern Plate.  He picked it out when we were in Florida, and I stumbled across it at Sam's.  Since the arrival of the cookbook, we've been eating good.  He makes this fried chicken with "come back sauce."  The chicken is breaded in saltine crackers and fried like normal - they say the saltines make it less fatty (or maybe he just told me that).  Either way, he's created a monster in me by cooking that meal.  A Fried Chicken Monster.  I pretty much crave the chicken and the "come back sauce" weekly. 

I specifically bought a giant pack of chicken tenders for him to fry up.  Yesterday, while I was working from home, the craving hit like a ton of bricks.  It's cold outside - give me something fatty and yummy to eat for dinner.  My spare tire isn't quite big enough yet.  When he came home, we had this exchange...

me: 

I'm thawing this big pack of chicken tenders and thought maybe you could fry up that chicken and we can make some "come back sauce."

husband:

 [sleepily]  yaaaaaaaaaaa-unghhhh

The noise that came out of him while I suggested we have the fried chicken so closely resembled a "yes" that I thought we were clear on the fact that I. Want. Fried. Chicken. For. Dinner. Damnit.

So, I left him to rest.  I gave him strict instructions to call me if my work computer started making the incoming email noise often enough to require my return.  So, he calls me when I'm leaving Target.  All of my Christmas Spirit has been stolen by the shitty cart I'm pushing and the masses of slow ass people wandering through Target, clearly just beginning their Christmas shopping.  Phone conversation plays out as follows:

me:

 yup?

husband: 

you told me to call you if your computer started acting crazy.  Smoke was coming out of the sides, so I threw it in the bathtub to cool it off.

me: 

oh - very funny.  chuckle chuckle

(sneer - my chicken better be in the fryer)

husband: 

 so, what do you want for dinner?

me:

  oh, well, I was thinking we could make the fried chicken...unless you'd rather go grab something.

(the only thing that will make this okay is if he suggests Mexican)

husband: 

oh, well, I was thinking of cooking them on the egg.  I've already started marinating them.

me: 

oh?

husband: 

is that not okay?

me: 

um.....well, I mean......no, it's fine.

(okay, I'm secretly angry)

husband: 

okay, when will you be home? 

me: 

I don't know.  I'm out in this shit, and I still need to go to Kroger

I was seething from anger about the fact that he MARINATED the chicken tenders I purchased SPECIFICALLY for my favorite fried chicken.  If he didn't want to make the chicken, he should have made a noise that resembled more of a "no" than a "yes."  Not cool.

I drive to the grocery store - PISSED - so I send a BBM....

me: 

if you don't mind, don't cook all of the tenders.  I purchased it specifically for the fried chicken because it's delicious leftover

(in my mind - grilled chicken gets hard and gross the next day and THAT'S why I don't eat leftovers)

husband: 

 Well, I've already marinated all of it.  Apparently I've really effed up - you clearly wanted the fried chicken.

me: 

Well, yeah.  We agreed on it.

husband: 

when did we agree on it?  You said last week that you wished I wouldn't cook it so much because of the calories!

Here's where his "selective hearing" kicks in. 

First of all, when I said he needed to lay off cooking the fried chicken tenders, I was stuffing one in my mouth while simultaneously dipping the next one in "come back sauce."  Lay off cooking the chicken means "only cook the chicken when I request it."  Duh.  It also means "awww...sweetheart, you shouldn't have, but I'm so glad you did...nom nom nom nom nommmmm." 

Also, he AGREED that family time over preparing "come back sauce" sounded great...that's what "yaaaaaaaaaaa-unghhhh" means. 

So, we proceeded to send snippy BBMs back and forth until my Blackberry died - which pissed him off even more because, turns out, he thought I turned my phone off.

I came home to this grilled-ass chicken, and yeah, it was good.  I had it over a SALAD since I was so rudely reminded of my caloric intake. 

And we proceeded to not speak to each other for the majority of the evening.  I mean, things are good now.  It's Christmas Eve!  But seriously?  I think someone here learned a lesson yesterday...

WHEN THE CRANKY WOMAN SAYS SHE WANTS EFFING FRIED CHICKEN, YOU MAKE EFFING FRIED CHICKEN.  THE EGG WILL ALWAYS BE THERE, YOU MAY NOT AFTER THE WOMAN GOES BATSHIT CRAZY ON YOUR ASS. 

Merry Christmas.

short & sweet

• i started my new job today.  can i just say that i caught myself smiling...all giddy and ridiculous...in the middle of orientation several times.  when it was my turn to stand up and tell the group how i landed at the new company, i clapped and hopped.  yes. i. did. enthusiastic much? 
• seriously, i feel like i'm a little more excited that most people to have gotten this job (no one else hopped or clapped in orientation today) - but, people, it's a BIG deal.  did i mention, if i did want to leave in a few years, my resume is pretty much set?  whhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
• my first-day-at-new-company outfit had too many ruffles.  ruffle cardi, ruffle button up, skinny belt and high-waisted skirt.  about three different trends threw up on me today. tomorrow i promise to tone it down.
• the husband did not go to the game saturday.  we proceeded to fight a fight that deserves a spot in our top five fights over a football game.  truthfully, he should have just gone.  
• we're all good now - we decided it wasn't worth being mad over after we spent entirely too long being mad.
• i didn't decorate for christmas this past weekend - this weekend, it's happening.  CAN'T WAIT!

image from here

women are normal...and men are definitely from mars...if not there, somewhere equally non-normal

i told myself long before i started kindredly that i wasn't going to write too much about my personal relationships...i think i was pretty good at sticking to it, but there are days like today when i just can't hold in.

this weekend was supposed to be relaxing.  i start my new job on monday (yay!) and other than last night's GNO (crazy - save for another post), my plans were to totally veg.  catch up on my sleep, clean the house, do a little shopping, etc.

the husband called me yesterday when i was in the car with my friend amanda.  one of his chemical reps from work offered him two tickets to the UGA/Auburn game for today.  he asked me if i'd like to go (such a dear), but knowing all the napping that still needed to be done, i declined.  he called several friends, but apparently, none of them are the fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants type because they all declined.  after exhausting several efforts, the husband tells me that he's just going to go to the game by himself....

what?

i feel like i need to say that i get the loner types - i am one.  i don't shy away from a lunch alone with a magazine or book...or a solo movie date...i'm down, but the husband will go camping alone...and now he'll apparently drive to auburn to go to a football game alone.  um...weird.

of course, i'm feeling kind of rejected - like, why are you going to waste your entire day doing all of that ALONE when you can keep your original plans with me to relax, work a little in the yard and go out for a mexican dinner date after the game is over?  (I will even be your DD!)

when i politely suggested he let his rep pass the tickets to two people who WANT to go TOGETHER, he got bitchy, so then i got bitchy...and now, we're bitchy.  when i thought he'd score himself a friend to take, i rescheduled lunch plans with my mom for today instead of sunday, so i offered to move them back to sunday if he decided to stay in town (you know, thinking that maybe he'd like to take some of the pressure off and actually relax with his wife).


this is what he says to me::

husband :  nah, you keep your plans with your mom

me : well, she's more than willing to reschedule for tomorrow, it's no big deal

husband :  well, when i get back from picking up the tickets, i'm going to come sit on the couch, and if i get a wild hair and decide i'd rather be in auburn, then i'm going to go...

me :  well, just go, damnit!

husband : no!  not after this conversation, i'm not going...

me : but you just said that you might get a wild hair and go...sounds to me like maybe you should just go ahead and go...OR are you just trying to get rid of me because while you watch the game you're going to be pissed you're not there?

husband :  yeah, i'll probably be pretty pissed off....

me : great.

the argument continued in circles for about 80% of my car ride back to the burbs from GNO...nothing getting accomplished except a bunch of smart ass remarks exchanged.  but SERIOUSLY - it's a f*cking lose/lose situation here...anyone else noticed this?

i. am. in. bizarro. world.  for serious, people.  what is happening here?

so, guess what's happening right now - right this second?  i'm sitting here, in my bedroom, surrounded by laundry to be folded, pissed. off., and now planning to have lunch with my mom.  when i complain about these things to her, she tends to help calm me down while at the same time rawling me up...it's crazy.  hopefully after lunch and a little retail therapy, i will go back to loving my husband again.  right now, in all truthfulness, i kind of want to hit him. 

i really don't appreciate being confronted with a lose/lose situation by the man who's supposed to love me like nobody's business.  i mean, way to set me up and make me realllllly angry in the process.

MEN.  i swear.  can't live with them; can't live without them.

is it too early for this?

me and the husband don't usually have big christmases.  we'll get each other a little something, but we usually just buy things for ourselves as we need them - how romantic.  i think we're going to do it differently this year.  this year will be a throwback to the good old dating years when we spent all of our money on each other all the time.

i have a plan for him - - but i'm not sure how often he checks this, so i'm not going to say anything.  i just don't know if he has a plan for me.  i caught a hint that he's been thinking about getting me the kindle (i think he came up with it by himself.  love it), and i love that idea (the kindle with wifi, just to specify *wink*)...but i also love the idea of owning my very own ipad...

you all may not know that i am a closet mac lover.  like....i love apple.  i try not to be one of those people who loves it too much - like those people who purchase an ipod shuffle then put the sticker on their car and hang out at the apple store all day (hi!  if you're reading from apple!).  truthfully, the reason i love it so much is purely aesthetic.  it's pretty.  and clean.  and clutter free.  and the dock, dashboard, dragging capabilities, apple shift f4, the list goes on...it's love.  when the husband and i were on the hunt for a new computer, i was really cheering for mac, but my argument lost when the computer we purchased was $500 less than the basic macbook with nothing on it.  so, long story longer than ever.....i want an ipad.  this way, i'll have macness and an e-reader all in one.  it's a win-win!  but....at least $200 more than the kindle....errr...

so, readers, what do you think?  do some of you have ipads?  kindles?  what are your thoughts?  give it to me straight.  my first big commission check (i.e. in two years when the market turns), i'll buy myself a macbook as a celebratory and now-you-can-work-from-home gift (i wonder if the ipad will link up to my office network?? - something to look into).

what do you guys think?

OR

that is the question....

in one week...

..the husband and i will be heading down to Seacrest Beach, Florida!!

with my new position being commission only, we decided a long weekend was best so that i wasn't out of the office for an entire week getting behind on life.  so, next thursday morning we're packing up and heading down to our little rented abode on the beach.  we ended up getting a great deal.  it was so great that we pushed our vacation back a couple of weeks just so we could have the availability we wanted.   the condo is smaller, but it's just the two of us, and the best part is that it's OCEAN FRONT.  every time we've been to the gulf, we've had a little walk to the beach.  i. can't. wait.   our plan is to spend every waking moment on the beach and every other waking moment in the condo cooking up a delicious meal to be eaten on the patio overlooking the ocean.

bliss.  i may not sleep just so i can experience every single hour we're there. 

i literally will cry when it's over.  i cried last year, no lie.

 we'll, of course, hit up pineapple willly's for lunch (giant onion ring tower) and pina coladas on the pier - it's tradition. 

here are some photos from beach trips past...

the pups first time at the ocean.  it was love.  we couldn't take them down much because this was right when mia's acl started acting up.  

 my favorite part of the gulf is the clear, gorgeous water.  i'm terrified of ocean creatures, and you can see everything around you in this water.  

i'm so ready to go!  of course, monday through wednesday of next week are going to be TORTURE!  eeeeeek!

explanation

drunken debauchery > relaxing weekend

(when will relaxing weekend win over drunken debauchery? when i'm 50?)

i had this past weekend all planned out. husband was going to give smoking a boston butt (like in a smoker) another go, and i was going to nap, do laundry, clean and BLOG. IT. OUT. i ran out to run a few errands saturday morning. bright eyed and bushy tailed, i bumped into some friends at the grocery store. before i even thought about my daily chores, i'd invited our friends over for moral support for the husband's smoking adventure and the georgia game.

hello? it's not like they're coming over for an hour...it's an all day deal, so we're having a good time. watching georgia lose, snacking on yummies and drinking. drinking a lot.

sports make me drink. i have no interest in them, but i'm competitive. so, if i'm forced to watch the home team, they damn well better be winning. as it turns out, georgia hasn't been winning, and that didn't change this weekend. so, i drank. and i drank some more because from the looks of it, we all were.

wrong.
apparently no one was drinking as much as i was. i noticed the bottles of wine disappearing, but i'm working on a cork board, so really, the quicker we roll these out, the better. before i know it, we're planning our camping trip to the perry, georgia fair for the miranda lambert concert (pop ups will be involved, and there's a blog post that goes with it, but i'll have to find it). i'm yelling and cheering (for what or who, i have no idea) and basically being beligerent. after i scare everyone away, the debauchery continues until i pass out on the couch. the husband told me i fought him about getting up for bed but eventually decided it was better than the couch.

i am an idiot because i picked saturday, the day before i had a family function to attend, to get rip-roaring drunk off my ass.

six am sunday morning came quickly and painfully. dry heaving makes me feel immature and irresponsible, but i did it anyway. the husband came to my rescue with a giant sprite and a greasy mcdonalds breakfast (can i express how much i love him? before he even showers for the morning, he's headed out to score his wife hangover food. priceless). i downed my biscuit while i dried my hair because something had to settle my stomach. the husband drove the two hours to family church where the service lasted TWO HOURS and the sanctuary was no less than 80 degrees. holy..... so, after suffering through that, i ate a whole plate of bbq, two bags of chips and a giant piece of caramel cake. i felt pretty good after that.

needless to say, monday sucked. i was ultra stabby and not in the mood for life in general. today's much better. this weekend will play out like my original plan for last weekend. i've learned my lesson.

sorry it took me until tuesday to give you the deets. normal blogging to resume soon.

the start of year five...

the husband and i had a fabulous anniversary. thank you for all of your comments!

i spent all morning writing up a post about how terrible our dinner was at bentley's on the square in our little town. i don't need to rehash the ridiculousness, so just know it was terrible. people who are not smart own the place, and there were several red flags that i totally ignored when making our reservation.

what did i learn? that the husband and i can still have a blast even when we're sitting in the middle of suck. we will also take over the world one day because we completely reworked their whole business, chatted about life, told each other how lucky we felt, and got a buzz all in one hour.

the rest is history, of course.

so, now we've just decided we're going to take an awesome trip for our anniversary next year and forget the special dinner. eff it.

a celebration

today is four years of marriage for me and the husband!

my lover is mine and i am his - song of solomon 2:16

happy anniversary, husband!!

mini update

it's taking me a little longer than usual to get myself back together after the long weekend. i'm so focused on focusing that i'm not getting anything done - if that makes any sense at all. i guess i should say nothing's getting done on the blog, that's for sure. the good news is this month is shaping up to be a good one so far - work-wise and personally! yay!

the gray boots came, and here they are. at first, i didn't love them, but after thinking about it, they'll look great this winter over my skinny jeans or tights! plus, they were a steal with my rewards coupon - it'd be a shame to waste it!

you love my granny night gown, right?

weight watchers has just kind of gone by the wayside, unfortunately. i gained after bluffton, maintained last week, and it seems i'm destined to gain more this week. oh well - there's always next week.

the husband and i are going to celebrate our four year anniversary next week. that's a long time in married years.

and that's it for now. i've got a few things up my sleeve, but i just need to find the time to get it down!

happy wednesday!

it's a new post!

so...sorry for totally neglecting the blog. i'm starting to wonder if my blogging days are coming to an end because life takes up all my time. by the end of the day, i'm so exhausted i can't bring myself to write a blog post. terrible, i know.

the weekend:
well, i'm back from bluffton, and it was fabulous. my girlfriend lives. the. life. i know people say once you have kids, it's kind of...hard? but seriously - i think i'd trade my eight hour view of the westin for her daily view of the kiddie pool. yes, even with the incessant screaming and yelling.

i guess i didn't realize how much i needed some down time, and really, i need more of it. i arrived late friday afternoon to a bottle of wine and much needed conversation. i've missed her so much since she's moved from atlanta. on top of that, she popped out baby number two, and we've barely had time to talk. she hauled the kiddos off to the grandparents, and she and i sat on her immaculate screened in porch for a couple of glasses of wine before dinner. after that, we trucked it to savannah where we met my bestie and my friend's sister in law, who actually know each other through junior league. small world. after a fun night, we caught the last ferry back to the other side of the savannah river and made our way back to her house. saturday was spent lounging by the "adult" pool where we ordered cocktails and gossiped. it was amazing. the pool overlooked the gorgeous may river, and the cooler air was accompanied by the best little ocean-like breeze.

i have to stop writing or i'll start crying.

i haven't had a better weekend in a while...much needed!

introducing hudson:

the husband has always wanted a golf course dog. we have beagles, so they don't make good golf course companions. when we unleash them to the course, we spend most of our time screaming for them to come out of the woods where they've sniffed something out. one of the husband's contacts at the course adopted a stray a few months ago. he'd told me how awesome he was, and mentioned that he'd like to start looking for one to adopt. well, as it turns out, the guy who adopted the stray to begin with, can't keep him....so, now he belongs to the husband and his crew!

meet huddy!

please don't look at my gross house - it's terrible. i'd just gone grocery shopping.
i need a new dining room table. it's embarrassing.

marley, little pup in my other arm, is noooo toooo happy about hudson's arrival. mia, little puppy hog in the back, has a little crush.

huddy comes home to our house after his day at work, and i just love having him. he's the sweetest, most trained stray dog i've ever met. he's so calm and chill, i'm almost afraid he's sick or something. one of the husbands employees brother is a vet. i'm giving it another week for the guys to take him before i take him to our vet for a check up. i'm getting more and more attached by the second; he can't be sick. his favorite activities are jumping in the many lakes at the golf course and running behind the gators (not alligators - john deere gators). i think if he were sick, he wouldn't like doing that so much.

so, that's pretty much it. i feel like life is so full of hustle and bustle right now - but in a good way. more blogging to come up, i promise.

well well well

i know ya'll are about sick of hearing me be all whiney pants up in here.

in all truthfulness, the week flew by. it feels like i just had a weekend with a few really stressful days thrown in. i'm welcoming this weekend and the unveiling of a new project (more on that later!).

because it's the weekend, the kidney stone has reappeared. i'm growing a little wary of the stupid kidney stone, and how it swoops in to mess everything up. the radiologist called the husband earlier this week and confirmed that the stone is more like a boulder, and the husband would need to be in touch to discuss how they are going to get rid of it. the husband got upset that his urologist hadn't called - he felt there was a disconnect in the communication, which could be true, but apparently, the husband has the film.

here's my thing - call the doctor.

call either of them, and let them know you're experiencing level 9 of 10 in pain. PLEASE.

so, last night, after he was bouncing around in bed like a fish out of water, he got up to take some medicine and spent the rest of the night on the couch. when he woke me up from my coma this morning, i asked him if he needed me to take him anywhere, and he said he was fine. when i suggested he call the doctor to let them know the situation (perhaps they can squeeze him in?) he got all pissy.

don't get pissy with me at 5:50 a.m. when i'm still face first in my pillow, trying to be helpful. just don't. he clearly doesn't understand the force it takes to muster words, much less phrases or suggestions before my feet even hit the floor. but i guess he can argue that i clearly don't understand how painful it is to birth a boulder.

whatever. i started out in the wrong mood today.

i need a big helping of mexican to make me feel better....a large margarita will also be fab.

happy friday, folks!

why today sucked

there are just some days that need to be erased from the books. today has been that day...for both me and the husband.

mine all started with my new obsession with vanilla iced coffee for keurig. i love me some iced coffee and have tried unsuccessfully to make it with normal coffee, so you can only imagine my excitement when i discovered it at bed bath and beyond.

i had a cup this morning while i was getting ready, and it was so delicious i decided to make myself a roadie.

note to self :: always hit the restroom before you leave if you're drinking excessive amounts of coffee.

now that you can see where this is going, i found myself on the downtown connector, far from any exits, in slow moving traffic, having to pee. like, bad. i turned on pandora to try to distract myself with no luck. it was painful. i unfastened my seat belt to try to alleviate the pressure. turns out, the pressure i was feeling was me about to totally ruin my seats and outfit. the desperation came to a head when i thought i was about to start crying, so i abandoned my spot in the traffic and took i-20 away from town, to the nearest exit. if you're familiar with downtown atlanta, the city itself is somewhat surrounded by questionable areas - especially off i-20. i was headed east, and took memorial drive thinking "there will be a gas station right off here." um.....no. i was in transitional loft hell with nothing in site. i sped into an exxon not realizing that i'd taken the back way to the corner of moreland & memorial also known as the corner of stabbed to death & shot to death.

i jumped out of my car with my purse, phone and keys acting as stabbing mechanism in case i was jumped, in which case, they'd want nothing to do with me because i'd promptly pee myself. i ran into the gas station, flailed around for a doorway leading to restrooms only to discover a sign that said "no public restrooms" um....my ass. so, after the clerk noticed i was dying, he motioned me back to the room of death.

i was in the back room of a dirty gas station on the corner of memorial & moreland. my guess is the bathroom was last cleaned when the gas station opened...maybe 1985? after i realized the toilet paper was sopping wet, and i was likely to pick up a disease, i discovered that not only is all of that happening, but i'm in the dark back room of a gas station by myself. in a room labeled "no public restroom"...and i'm the public. not only that, every single person in the gas station was a scruffy man, and one of them is going to be waiting outside to rape and pillage me. no one would even know.

thought going through my head :: "wow. a little old to be getting ourselves into these kinds of situations, aren't we?"

it's called when you have to pee bad enough, all responsibility flies out the window.

the happy ending is that i made it out, and the homeless men sitting on the sidewalk were actually quite pleasant even as i sprinted out of the gas station with 911 already programmed and ready to dial.

the husband's day went by as successfully. the poor guy has multiple kidney stones, and after watching a combined 14 hours of golf over the course of the weekend, he bravely stepped out to get some work done. i bbmed to check on him around noon, and the conversation went like this::

me:: how are you feeling?

husband:: pretty bad, just got caught in a yellow jacket's nest, and i've been stung.

me:: omg. are you ok?

husband:: i'll call you back.

the husband was stung twelve times. twelve. times. (!!!). one time i got a yellow jacket caught between my arm and my boob. luckily it stung my arm, but it stung like holy hell...for a long time. after twelve pops, the husband was done. he stopped for some benadryl and came home to sleep it off. now he just looks like he's been beat up.

oh, and puppy number one, the one who had acl surgery in may, is limping again. it just happened right before our eyes. i'm a bit devastated as we've been nursing and babying her leg for almost three months.

i need a do-over.

seriously.

it's baaaaack

the husband is back in his pitiful state. the kidney stone has reared it's ugly head, so i guess the day he spent kneeled in front of the porcelain god was actually a result of the drugs and not the passing of the stone.

balls. i feel sad. i have no one to participate in weekend shenanigans with at this point. unless the stone navigates to a comfortable position. until then, i guess i'll do my part and play nurse (although, not the sexy kind) until he feels better.

after he spent most of yesterday in the fetal position, i made him an appointment with a urologist. they squeezed him in today, and figured out everything in 25 minutes that we spent two days jimmy jacking around with the primary care doc. there is still no resolution as the urologist recommends a cat scan next tuesday.

they did another ultrasound and told him they saw stones. plural. and a possible blockage. nothing about this sounds fun, so i'm just trying to be superwife and there at his beck and call. so far, so good. it's not too hard when he's passed out 85% of the time.

ugh - wish us luck. 1) we need him to not get sick from the pain meds 2) we need him to not have to use another suppository. i'll just keep that story to myself, but poor guy's traumatized.

case of the mondays

• things at the office are a little tense today. i work in a team environment, but sometimes it gets a little competitive. one of my co-workers is highly competitive by nature, and when things go wrong in her world and right in mine, the claws kind of come out. i really hate that about my job because, really, when shit's going good in her world, i might kind of hate her a little inside, but i certainly don't show it. i can't help that i'm kind of on top of my game right now....

• i purchased sally hansen's salon manicure in yellow kitty and had my nails freshly manicured. i kind of hate it on my fingers. i think it would look better on darker skin or much lighter skin. my skin has too many yellowish undertones. not to mention, the brush in this particular line of polish is ginormous and throws off the nail people every time resulting in terrible coverage and overall clumsiness. i think this polish will have to be saved for the toes or when i'm reallllly tanned, because i'm real yellow all winter long.

• i've said before that i'm in a constant state of hot flash, so getting ready in the morning, especially at the gym, is uncomfortable because i usually just get ready in my towel. earlier this summer while i was buying everything in target, i came across these little cover ups and picked it up. perfect for getting ready in the morning and even better for the gym...i love my striped one so much that i went back to target last week to see if they still had them, and lucky for me, they did. i had to get this unfortunate leopard print because the other stripes were out of my size, but happy day. it stays up while i'm getting ready and i stay cool. the best $14.99 i've spent!

• i'm having some issues with the wires connecting my amp in my car. i'm not even sure if i need the stupid amp, and at this point, i'm ready to sell it. during my excruciatingly long commute, i need the radio. so when the damn wires come unhooked - in the trunk - because the tightwad person who owned the car before me ripped out the "high dollar connectors" and replaced them with electrical tape, i get realllll pissed off. the wires have come unhooked several times in the past week, so this morning, i was ass up in my trunk, at quiktrip, rewiring the amp and getting all the cords to stay together. if nothing else, i guess i'm learning more useless information.

• did anyone watch last night's episode of trueblood? i need to talk it out with someone...wow.

• knock on wood, the husband is doing much better. back to normal, so that's nice. with that being said, this week is my bitch.
  

stoner

everything's been kind of crazy since tuesday when the husband called me doubled over in pain requesting that i come home.

so far, i've taken two afternoons off work, one morning, and been sleeping with one eye open just waiting for him to shoot out of bed and need to go to the emergency room. just so you know, we still have the kidney stone. thankfully, he's experiencing a period of relief and no pain, so that's good.

on tuesday the doctor said the only thing she could do to help was provide him with a prescription for lortab (yay! drugs!). being a drug free husband, he only took the pill when he was at level 7 out of 10 in pain, and promptly put himself in bed. he woke up at 2:45 wednesday morning in severe pain again and popped another lortab. i left for work wednesday morning only to go home at 2 because he was violently sick from what he thought was the lortab. he popped another pill at 9 a.m. and promptly threw up at 11:30 and continued to throw up for the rest of the day.

my husband sounds like he is in the throes of death when he vomits.

he vomited so violently, that i ended up calling his mother.

conversation with mother in law ::

me :: so, husband has graduated to vomiting. it's really quite violent. yeah, i'm kind of freaked out.

mil :: oh yeah, when he had his last kidney stone, he burst the blood vessels in his face. he looked like he had a rash.

me :: oh. wow.

mil :: yeah, you should probably take him to the emergency room.

me :: hmmm...ok. should i take him to the emergency room while he's nauseated? i mean, i don't want him to have to be nauseous waiting in the e.r.

mil :: what about his doctor?

me :: yes, of course, the doctor.

so, i called the doctor and the doctor told me that yeah, he could be sick from the lortab, or he could be passing the stone.

so i run into the bathroom, slamming the door into his head as he lays totally helpless. "are you in any pain?!?"

...this kidney stone stuff is a bit confusing. he wasn't in any pain; he was only nauseous, and wouldn't he be in major pain if he were passing it?? the doctor told me that either way, he needed to be supervised while he passes the stone. really? i thought people passed kidney stones everyday without supervision from doctors?

i ended up talking her away from that ledge and told her he wasn't in any pain, and he really did not want to go pass his stone in the e.r....at god knows what time. so, she prescribed some anti-nausea suppositories.

fast forward to the pharmacy where the pharmacist at our walgreens is my new bff. he gave me the recommendations for the over the counter anti-nausea meds i purchased on my first trip that the husband immediately threw up. when i picked up the prescribed meds, he said "you know these are suppositories, right?"

me :: [cracking a smile as i kind of know what a suppository is] what again is a suppository?

pharmacist :: it goes up the bottom [also cracking a smile because he's having to explain this to a 28 year old woman and making a putting a plug up something motion with his hand]

me :: ouch!

pharmacist :: they've probably prescribed this because he can't hold a tablet down.

me :: he will go nowhere near this, but thanks!

i laughed (hard) the whole way to the car. i'm five.

i figured since i've been a supportive wife thusfar, i should probably call and warn him about the buttplugs i've just purchased.

me :: hey sweetie. how ya feeling? listen, i just picked up your meds, and you should know they are suppositories.

husband :: [silence]...what are those?

me :: um...well...they um...you insert it into your ass.

husband :: [silence]

me :: i'm sorry! what should i do?

husband :: [panicked] why didn't they give me a pill? isn't there a pill version?

me :: i suppose there might be, but the pharmacist said you probably couldn't keep a tablet down (the pharmacist is the be all, end all here. i was literally a mile from our house at this point)

husband :: [mumbled something i couldn't understand; hangs up]

me :: hello? .....

the husband went nowhere near the suppositories. they are in our fridge, and when i open it, i laugh (because i'm five).

so, the husband pulled it together for the most part, and fell asleep long enough to sleep off the nausea. it worked, and he woke up later last night feeling a little better. i fed him a ginormous breakfast this morning, and he succeeded in keeping it down, and we're on the road to normal...or just waiting out the ticking time bomb that's floating around in his bladder.

now that i've shared too much info, how was your week?

for better for worse, for sicker for poorer

in other news...

the husband has a kidney stone.

i had to leave work at 11:30 and rush home to take him to the doctor because he was doubled over in pain - 10 out of 10 in intensity, according to him.

they say the pain caused by kidney stones is similar to the pain a woman experiences in childbirth. that would probably explain why he's completely passed out right now. poor thing.

positive? i got to go home early, and that's always fun. marley, pup number two, will finally get a much needed pawdicure. i will take a nap.

negative? the husband still has a kidney stone. "working from home" is kind of pointless. today was totally not my bitch, and i was so planning for that. i've already blown today's point allowance away because of a zaxby's zalad, and they're not even that good.

we'll try this again tomorrow.

careful, or you'll end up in my blog

the husband and i have our tiffs like any other couple. usually, i choose not to share them with the blogosphere because they are private, of course. however, sometimes i have to share (not only that - i refuse to take this one lying down).

remember early in your relationship when everything you say goes and the guy will do pretty much anything to make you happy? while all this is happening, the married people in your life say things like "don't get used to it" or "that won't last long" and you look at them like they're speaking in japanese or worse, you secretly get kind of mad at them?

well, for those of you in new, shiny relationships, they are right. i am now one of those jaded married ladies whose husband no longer thinks the sun shines out of my ass. it's little things like cutting the grass, or cleaning up after himself that i've learned to live with. frankly, he's always been messy, and i knew this. that particular bitch holds little weight. the grass cutting is a current bitch that i've just decided to give up on as he'll eventually get around to it (yes, i could do it too, but i severely injured our last lawn mower after i ran over a sizeable decorative rock. i'm a little gunshy). but today's argument threw me over the edge.

i love my husband. i love my husband. i love my husband. but sometimes - he's five.

so, today i learned that our friend's engagement party is semi-formal. i thought semi-formal dress for a guy would call for a sport coat, slacks and a button up. i pictured the husband in his wonderful linen pants from banana, white button up and his navy sport coat. so, i texted him, and the conversation went like this (the itlacized sections are the reactions in my head)::

me :: friend's party is semi-formal.

husband :: damn. what does that mean?

me :: i think you should wear your linen pants, navy sport coat, no tie.

husband :: i'm not wearing a coat. not in 99 degree heat, sorry friend.
of course you're not. time to be difficult.

me :: you may need to wear your suit

husband :: bullshit

me :: babe. just for a bit then you can ditch the jacket. i've got it! wear your pinstripe suit with your black button up from other friend's wedding, no tie. then ditch your jacket early in the evening!
easy peasy!

husband :: i won't go if i have to wear anything resembling a coat. it's supposed to be 99, and i already spend too much of my summer sweating.
last time i checked you got a degree, from an institution in your field. you went to school, paid thousands of dollars to know you'd be working in the heat. get over it.

me :: it's SEMI FORMAL. you can't not wear a jacket.

husband :: jackets are not meant to be worn in the summer. i can't do it.
what? i see men in suits all day every day in my building. suit jackets are meant for times when you're supposed to wear a suit, and this is one of those times!!!!!!!!!!!!

me :: well, can you at least carry it? this should not be an issue. this is etiquette.

husband :: shit. this is an issue if someone plans a semi formal party in the middle of summer. etiquette is me being comfortable. i'm sorry but there is no way i should have to wear a suit in this heat. the only way i'd wear a suit is for a funeral, and if i wear a suit, it might be my funeral.
btw, etiquette is not about keeping mr. husband comfortable. it's about how you should act in situations, and frankly, you're kind of being rude.

me :: wear what you want. i'll be semi formal

husband :: does this make you mad?
i'm annoyed because you're acting like a child. plain and simple.

me :: i think it's ridiculous, but i'm not picking this battle. so, i'm not mad

husband :: why is it ridiculous? do you not understand how hot it is? would you wear a coat?

me :: i wear a blazer everyday.
that is what i was thinking...

husband :: in the heat?

me :: the party is inside. wear your black suit pants with your black nicole miller button up.

husband :: black attracts heat!!!
fine. go naked. we'll walk in separately.

***end of text string***

seriously? black attracts heat? i remember five years ago, i dressed that boy. everything he wore, i pretty much bought. then something clicked with him, and he started insisting on wearing sweaters from the year 2000 (like that disgusting burnt orange with stripes. think american eagle outfitters circa your highschool boyfriend).

i. can't. take. it.

another example of how this summer has robbed me of the man i love. the refusal to wear a suit jacket from the parking lot to the building is an argument a mother might have with her teenager. i'm completely annoyed.

this is an example of how you'll end up in my blog - if i feel like i will never have a child of my own because i already have one at home...in the form of a six-foot-one man.

**update :: now i feel kind of bad because i just got a text from him that he overheated today. he's going home and going to bed. the argument was still redic - my opinion isn't going to change on that.

christmas in july

the husband came across a shitload of points from one of his reward programs. literally - there were a lot. and they were about to expire. because it was his deal, he took over the reigns despite my urge to use all the points for a macbook or kate spade bag.

the husband logged on to the catalog of prizes only to discover that we were about to get hooked up in a big way. that night, we curled up on the couch and picked our loot, and it's started arriving this week!

point program santa is bringing the following ::

ipod nano for the husband.
we have the worst luck with ipods. they just break.
he's pumped about the video capabilities and the radio option as he likes to listen to the braves.



docking station for ipod.
we need this. i wanted something portable, and the husband wanted something versatile. this has everything we want. it plays the radio, cds and ipods, and it can go places, like the beach.



a tv.
yup. a freakin' tv. so, now we can add a flat screen to our bedroom! we picked a sharp 26 inch.
a new watch for the husband.
he needed one, and we were narrowing down points...


a digital camera.
the husband always takes mine (and i blame the fact that it's so crusty on him). he finally has his own!


and for me, a waffle iron.
why, you ask? it's actually kind of a joke between me and the husband. he placed in a golf tournament one year, and totally won a waffle iron. another winner mentioned that his kids sure did love waffles, and he would have loved to have won that. well, of course, the husband, being a nice guy and all, said "well, what did you win?" and the guy said "this longhorn gift card."
and then the husband proceeded to trade MY waffle iron for a longhorn giftcard.

i don't even really like longhorn.

he told me while we were on our way to redeem the gift card, which made me really kind of crave waffles and not steak.

so, after that, i gave him hell about how i really wish i had a waffle iron, and yes, i know waffle irons are not expensive. they are just not things you really think about picking up while you're at target, you know?
so, of course, the husband agreed to use his precious points toward getting me a waffle maker. this one is awesome because it flips, which i think is crucial, without being one of those huge ones that takes up so much space. i'm pretty much really excited about it. it's on it's way to me, and, of course, we're out of town this weekend. boo hiss....

the husband picked up a few small things like a rolling cooler (as if we don't have enough), a rain jacket (again, the outerwear is taking over) and a memory card for his new camera with the leftover points. i feel like i'm forgetting something, but i think that's it.

it was insane.

oh oh oh...and a firepit!!

and seriously, that's it. we're going to have to do a lot of yard work before this thing arrives. just throwing that out to the universe...

....and that's it. this is actually bigger than christmas. i kind of feel guilty.

shake your groove thing

this weekend a couple of friends got married. the husband loooooooves weddings, and whenever we attend one, i kind of get all lovey over him all over again. that's definitely a good sign as life and work tend to take the romance out all together.

i purchased this little number to wear with my nude platform heels ::


the dress is fab, but not when you're bloated - and i was. even after sweating a gallon in spin saturday morning, i couldn't kick the icky feeling. i also over bronzed, but oh well...i'd say the look, as a whole, was successful; although i have no full length photos.

i took one for the team and stayed sober while the husband bounced around and let loose...below are some photos of the good time ::

(i might have done the superman dance ...completely sober...in my platform heels. hey, the dj loooved to play it, and apparently, i was one of the only ones there who could somewhat remember the dance that went along with the catchy little tune. i believe the wedding photographer was the only one to get that photo, and i'm glad.)

first dance

things got crazy quick

here's my "i am sober - get out of my face face"

i don't depend on alcohol to have a good time, but everyone knows a little wine helps make a good time a better time. husband provided all the entertainment needed for the very long reception - the bride never wanted it to end, so her family kept paying off their driver for hour after hour of continued party time - hilarious.

anyway, i hope all of you dear readers (as few as there are!) enjoyed your weekend! have to get back to the grind this week...ughhhhhhhhhhhhh..... smart ass monday post tomorrow.