why today sucked

there are just some days that need to be erased from the books. today has been that day...for both me and the husband.

mine all started with my new obsession with vanilla iced coffee for keurig. i love me some iced coffee and have tried unsuccessfully to make it with normal coffee, so you can only imagine my excitement when i discovered it at bed bath and beyond.

i had a cup this morning while i was getting ready, and it was so delicious i decided to make myself a roadie.

note to self :: always hit the restroom before you leave if you're drinking excessive amounts of coffee.

now that you can see where this is going, i found myself on the downtown connector, far from any exits, in slow moving traffic, having to pee. like, bad. i turned on pandora to try to distract myself with no luck. it was painful. i unfastened my seat belt to try to alleviate the pressure. turns out, the pressure i was feeling was me about to totally ruin my seats and outfit. the desperation came to a head when i thought i was about to start crying, so i abandoned my spot in the traffic and took i-20 away from town, to the nearest exit. if you're familiar with downtown atlanta, the city itself is somewhat surrounded by questionable areas - especially off i-20. i was headed east, and took memorial drive thinking "there will be a gas station right off here." um.....no. i was in transitional loft hell with nothing in site. i sped into an exxon not realizing that i'd taken the back way to the corner of moreland & memorial also known as the corner of stabbed to death & shot to death.

i jumped out of my car with my purse, phone and keys acting as stabbing mechanism in case i was jumped, in which case, they'd want nothing to do with me because i'd promptly pee myself. i ran into the gas station, flailed around for a doorway leading to restrooms only to discover a sign that said "no public restrooms" um....my ass. so, after the clerk noticed i was dying, he motioned me back to the room of death.

i was in the back room of a dirty gas station on the corner of memorial & moreland. my guess is the bathroom was last cleaned when the gas station opened...maybe 1985? after i realized the toilet paper was sopping wet, and i was likely to pick up a disease, i discovered that not only is all of that happening, but i'm in the dark back room of a gas station by myself. in a room labeled "no public restroom"...and i'm the public. not only that, every single person in the gas station was a scruffy man, and one of them is going to be waiting outside to rape and pillage me. no one would even know.

thought going through my head :: "wow. a little old to be getting ourselves into these kinds of situations, aren't we?"

it's called when you have to pee bad enough, all responsibility flies out the window.

the happy ending is that i made it out, and the homeless men sitting on the sidewalk were actually quite pleasant even as i sprinted out of the gas station with 911 already programmed and ready to dial.

the husband's day went by as successfully. the poor guy has multiple kidney stones, and after watching a combined 14 hours of golf over the course of the weekend, he bravely stepped out to get some work done. i bbmed to check on him around noon, and the conversation went like this::

me:: how are you feeling?

husband:: pretty bad, just got caught in a yellow jacket's nest, and i've been stung.

me:: omg. are you ok?

husband:: i'll call you back.

the husband was stung twelve times. twelve. times. (!!!). one time i got a yellow jacket caught between my arm and my boob. luckily it stung my arm, but it stung like holy hell...for a long time. after twelve pops, the husband was done. he stopped for some benadryl and came home to sleep it off. now he just looks like he's been beat up.

oh, and puppy number one, the one who had acl surgery in may, is limping again. it just happened right before our eyes. i'm a bit devastated as we've been nursing and babying her leg for almost three months.

i need a do-over.

seriously.