stoner

everything's been kind of crazy since tuesday when the husband called me doubled over in pain requesting that i come home.

so far, i've taken two afternoons off work, one morning, and been sleeping with one eye open just waiting for him to shoot out of bed and need to go to the emergency room. just so you know, we still have the kidney stone. thankfully, he's experiencing a period of relief and no pain, so that's good.

on tuesday the doctor said the only thing she could do to help was provide him with a prescription for lortab (yay! drugs!). being a drug free husband, he only took the pill when he was at level 7 out of 10 in pain, and promptly put himself in bed. he woke up at 2:45 wednesday morning in severe pain again and popped another lortab. i left for work wednesday morning only to go home at 2 because he was violently sick from what he thought was the lortab. he popped another pill at 9 a.m. and promptly threw up at 11:30 and continued to throw up for the rest of the day.

my husband sounds like he is in the throes of death when he vomits.

he vomited so violently, that i ended up calling his mother.

conversation with mother in law ::

me :: so, husband has graduated to vomiting. it's really quite violent. yeah, i'm kind of freaked out.

mil :: oh yeah, when he had his last kidney stone, he burst the blood vessels in his face. he looked like he had a rash.

me :: oh. wow.

mil :: yeah, you should probably take him to the emergency room.

me :: hmmm...ok. should i take him to the emergency room while he's nauseated? i mean, i don't want him to have to be nauseous waiting in the e.r.

mil :: what about his doctor?

me :: yes, of course, the doctor.

so, i called the doctor and the doctor told me that yeah, he could be sick from the lortab, or he could be passing the stone.

so i run into the bathroom, slamming the door into his head as he lays totally helpless. "are you in any pain?!?"

...this kidney stone stuff is a bit confusing. he wasn't in any pain; he was only nauseous, and wouldn't he be in major pain if he were passing it?? the doctor told me that either way, he needed to be supervised while he passes the stone. really? i thought people passed kidney stones everyday without supervision from doctors?

i ended up talking her away from that ledge and told her he wasn't in any pain, and he really did not want to go pass his stone in the e.r....at god knows what time. so, she prescribed some anti-nausea suppositories.

fast forward to the pharmacy where the pharmacist at our walgreens is my new bff. he gave me the recommendations for the over the counter anti-nausea meds i purchased on my first trip that the husband immediately threw up. when i picked up the prescribed meds, he said "you know these are suppositories, right?"

me :: [cracking a smile as i kind of know what a suppository is] what again is a suppository?

pharmacist :: it goes up the bottom [also cracking a smile because he's having to explain this to a 28 year old woman and making a putting a plug up something motion with his hand]

me :: ouch!

pharmacist :: they've probably prescribed this because he can't hold a tablet down.

me :: he will go nowhere near this, but thanks!

i laughed (hard) the whole way to the car. i'm five.

i figured since i've been a supportive wife thusfar, i should probably call and warn him about the buttplugs i've just purchased.

me :: hey sweetie. how ya feeling? listen, i just picked up your meds, and you should know they are suppositories.

husband :: [silence]...what are those?

me :: um...well...they um...you insert it into your ass.

husband :: [silence]

me :: i'm sorry! what should i do?

husband :: [panicked] why didn't they give me a pill? isn't there a pill version?

me :: i suppose there might be, but the pharmacist said you probably couldn't keep a tablet down (the pharmacist is the be all, end all here. i was literally a mile from our house at this point)

husband :: [mumbled something i couldn't understand; hangs up]

me :: hello? .....

the husband went nowhere near the suppositories. they are in our fridge, and when i open it, i laugh (because i'm five).

so, the husband pulled it together for the most part, and fell asleep long enough to sleep off the nausea. it worked, and he woke up later last night feeling a little better. i fed him a ginormous breakfast this morning, and he succeeded in keeping it down, and we're on the road to normal...or just waiting out the ticking time bomb that's floating around in his bladder.

now that i've shared too much info, how was your week?

for better for worse, for sicker for poorer